Forever Bentley: A Mother's Journey Through Grief

I hate the feeling of thinking Bentley is still here—only to have to remind myself that he’s not. There are so many random moments throughout the day when I’ll look at pictures and videos and say to myself, he’s really gone. He’s really not here.

I’ve been staying at the house by myself for the past two days, and I keep catching myself looking at Bentley’s bedroom door, almost hearing him in there playing. For a second, it makes me smile—like he’s just on the other side, like nothing has changed. But then I blink, and it’s gone. And it’s just me and Bo in a house that feels too quiet.

Grief is odd in this way. Or maybe it’s just my brain playing tricks on me—letting me believe what I want to believe, only to snap me back to reality in an instant. It’s strange how I still feel like he’s physically here. And it’s a feeling I can’t really describe—unless you’ve lived through this kind of grief, then maybe you’d understand.

I guess this is just another stage I’ll have to get through. I just know I’m so ready to see my baby again.

-Bentley’s mom